I have two sons, both of whom are ADDICTED to video games. My 14 year old has even cried when we have taken them away and said he hates everything else about life. Well, hearing that scared the crap out of me and my wife.
Additionally, my son has been doing typical teenage smart ass stuff, eye rolls and all. So it has been a little rough since he turned 13. It is not horrible but it is tough. Overall, he is a good kid and we love him to death. He does well in school, completes homework, and helps out with chores (but not without an argument about how stupid chores are).
So Easter 2018 weekend, I told my wife all I want for my upcoming birthday is to go Kayaking with her and the kids.
I was shocked when my 14 yo wanted to ride with me and surprisingly, we made great partners. I was so proud of him. He actually handled the turns and rapids really well for his first time. The whole trip he said, we have to come back and do this again. I felt so good and I felt like I got my son back. When he was younger we did everything together. Needless to say this was the best birthday present ever!
When school got out in 2019, we found ourselves with the same battles and arguments. I saw an opportunity for just him and I to go kayaking again. And again it was really special. He really has a sense of adventure. It is so nice to share that with him. There are moments during any kayaking trip where there is a sense of danger, especially when seeing the on-coming rapids, rocks and debris. We work together to navigate it and shout out directives to each other. This is a great opportunity to bond but also to provide an example of how to deal with danger. I complimented him often and we teased each other some. There was a moment when he realized I am not such a bad guy. He joked back, saying that he has been doing the lion’s share of the rowing, with an obvious smile.
I could tell he needed to be in a real situation with me. So we can become accustomed to each other at a different stage in our lives. As adults, we take it for granted because we raised our kids from infants and we provide everything for them. Things that are obvious like meals but also things not so obvious like school applications, vaccinations and plane tickets etc, seem like magic to them; they just appear. What I am getting at here is that they don’t remember everything we have done for them and I think we have a tendency to demand respect and appreciation but they don’t remember all that little stuff. They need to rebuild the respect and connection, while we are placing more rigorous demands on them.
So being in semi-dangerous situations affords us the opportunity to build that connection and appreciate each other in a new context. I have found, just with these two trips, one was 3-4 hours and the other was over 6, that we came out of the river with much more love and respect for each other than before we went in.
Another benefit of doing these trips is it is an opportunity to talk about other things and also share skills like survival skills that could potentially be needed. Whenever I go kayaking, I bring a couple of knives like, a Cold Steel Pro-lite folder or an Ontario Rat 1, which I keep on my person. I also bring other gear I keep in a dry bag as a backup. I also gave my son one of my knives to carry on him and gave him some simple instructions on how to use it and when he should use it. I discussed with him the potential of me getting hurt and what he would have to do. I made it fun to keep it from being another boring lecture. Kayaking also lends itself to a good life lesson, one of the things my son had trouble with was the importance of setting the right trajectory as you get to a bottle neck in the river. Since the water is moving fast and if you are on the wrong trajectory you could end up stuck on the rocks, flipped over, or eating a bunch of branches.
I used this lesson to compare it to life and school work. While, schoolwork is boring and you want to wait until the last minute, sometimes that isn't enough and you could end up not getting into the college you want or missing an opportunity that you really wanted. I didn't drive in home hard but I did connect the dots.
Since kayaking is loved by everyone in the family, we have decided that this is going to be one of our family activities and my wife and I discussed purchasing our own kayaks. We are also researching how to work out the transportation of them.
Now, I feel like arguments and screaming matches are a cry for a new way of reconnecting and a new challenge rather than a downward spiral towards family disintegration.
Here’s to new hope!!!
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